I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
