hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
