Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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