When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
