Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Someone came in the potted fern
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
