I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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