dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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