its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
