I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
