My liver just broke up with me...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
