I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
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