Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
