he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize