Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
