As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
how does that bad decision feel?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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