How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Naked Twister starts at high noon
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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