Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
