But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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