i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
