I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he quoted the bible to break up with me
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
