On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
