i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
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It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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