I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
