Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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