I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
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Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
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that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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