Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
this will be a night to untag.
Even my vagina gasped.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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