so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
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