don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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