Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
