i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
