the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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