she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
