Nicole vs. Life
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
