Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
