I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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