Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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