I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize