dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
