i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
