the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
