She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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