I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
