I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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