Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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