we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
