I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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