apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
