its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Congratulations! We have a period
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
