In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
