We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
