Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize