You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Couch. On fire.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
