when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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