thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
