well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
