I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
