seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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