"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
