Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
