doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I can't trust your balls anymore.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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