blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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