I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
