Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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