Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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